Gianna Goldey ’25
The One with the Second Monica
My freshman year of high school I began struggling with controlling my anxiety. My thoughts raced constantly, and after what I’d thought to be the best summer of my life. I was sad it was over, and admitting to it was something I didn’t want to do. Dwelling upon my past summer didn’t do me any good. Thinking about the fun I had, the people I spent it with, the laughter shared, and now it was over. I was getting stressed about things that were minuscule, yet they would haunt me until they were completed: folding my laundry and putting it away before bed, getting my homework done (even if it was due in two weeks), organizing everything in my room to the max, making lists of things to complete the following day, practicing my dance routines, and getting everything situated moving forward. My thoughts were taking over—overthinking this, overthinking that. I wasn’t able to fall asleep at night because of my anxiety. The things I loved: dancing, choreographing, playing the flute, singing, and listening to music weren’t alleviating any of my anxiety. What I wanted more than anything was for this to go away—that I would wake up the next morning and be back to my normal self. What later ended up putting my thoughts to rest was a well-known sitcom. Friends has influenced my life and still is, watch after watch. The series Friends became the friend I didn’t know I needed.
I worked up the courage to talk to my mom about my internal battle. It was hard for me to find words to describe what was going on because I didn’t even know. My mom is my best friend, which may sound pretty lame, but it’s true. Our relationship has saved me in more ways than one. Our talks last for hours, our laughs never end, and our relationship grows as time goes on. She has a way of helping me through things when I think there is no way out. When I mentioned what was going on she felt that stress was playing a major role on why I was putting so much pressure on myself, and I needed to stop trying to be “perfect” all of the time. One day I got off the bus upset with how my day went. I walked in my house and collapsed on the couch and fell apart. My day continued on. I picked myself up and went to dance. Later that day I got home from dance practice and my mom said, “G, I think you need to start watching the show Friends, I know you’ll love it, it’s one of my favorites.” Considering I looked up to my mom, I thought I should give it a shot. I trusted her and she gave me hope that maybe this would help me. She recommended I watch an episode every day. I did just that. And so my obsession began.
Soon, I was attached. I couldn’t get enough of it. There I was, every night after practice getting ready for bed as quickly as possible just to watch this show. I felt tethered to the life of these characters; I was uplifted by the way they were going through life. In the television series Friends, six young people living in New York City go through just about every life experience imaginable together: love, marriage, breakups, divorce, children, new jobs, job losses, and all sorts of drama. The show starts off with Rachel getting cold feet on her wedding day and running to her former best friend from high school, Monica Geller. Rachel, coming from a rich family, is having trouble controlling her spending habits despite not having a job. This is until her new friends help her cut ties with her old, spoiled living and she becomes a waitress at Central Perk, the coffee house where the six of them socialize and spend their down time. Monica says, “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.” Immediately this quote spoke to me. I laughed, but also real life is not sweet and simple. If it was, then what would be the point? New struggles, beginnings, and obstacles are exhausting in the moment, but getting through it will bring rewards. This change in Rachel’s life inspired new goals for me. The show inspired me to live in the city. The opportunities are endless. It showed me that I can do it. It’ll be filled with ups and downs, but that’s life. I realized I could connect my dream of being a dancer with starting a life in the city, thanks to Rachel Green.
All six characters were people I aspired to be like in some way, and after watching the show each one brought something out of me. I got my sarcasm from Chandler Bing, my weirdness from Phoebe Buffay, my fashion inspiration from Rachel Green, my geeky side from Ross Geller, loyalty to my friends from Joey, and last but not least everything from Monica Geller. Monica: the obsessive, organized, competitive, neat freak. To describe her as a neat freak would be an understatement. She needed things done perfectly, but in her OWN perfect way of course. For example, Monica once left her bedroom for a moment and came back to a bed made by her boyfriend. According to Monica, there are lots of rules when it comes to making the bed. She has to explain those to him because he walked in on her redoing his work. Monica says, “You see the duvet tag shouldn’t be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner. Then she says, “Alright, you see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be.” She was the perfectionist of the group. Monica once so badly wanted to prove to her friends that she wasn’t overly obsessive that she left her shoes out in the living room when going to bed for them all to see. She was up all night debating whether or not to go get them. I could relate to that on so many levels. There have been countless times I couldn’t fall asleep at night because I didn’t completely finish cleaning my room or finish putting all of my clothes away. Call that being obsessive. Monica taught me to embrace my crazy, compulsive need for things to be perfect. I was okay with being the girl who enjoyed the cleanup of the party more than the celebration. She made me like that part about myself. All of the things she didn’t care to admit or brag about were the things I liked most about her. Friends wasn’t necessarily eliminating my anxiety, but it was changing my view on what I was going through. I’ve gotten much better at not letting my perfectionism control my life.
The show has shaped me in numerous ways. Many themes were portrayed through an abundance of situations in the series. For example, Friends expressed all of the different ways a family can be a family. Across ten seasons its storylines covered same sex marriage, infertility, adoption, surrogacy, and single parenthood. The series challenged domestic norms. It gave voice to those thinking they were stuck with no way out. The show pushed through so many boundaries, and I love to see it. My parents are divorced and my mom is a single parent of three girls. My father is no longer in the picture. Friends helped me realize that a perfect family doesn’t mean married parents. It can be whatever you want it to be as long as there’s love. The writers showed the different ways a family can be, but they made you fall in love with the way it happened. I realized that just because it didn’t happen in the “traditional” way does not make it wrong. It inspired me to not follow the social norm and to not fight the inevitable. I’ve learned to face something if it is bound to happen. It may not be the ideal way you wanted it to happen, but it’s the way it’s going to be. Something that seems scary at first could end up being your pride and joy. My tendencies of overthinking and getting worked up over little things were counteracted by watching Friends, because it eased my mind and always created a safe space for me. It then became the secret language of my household. I was putting it on the TV so much that my sisters had no choice but to watch. If I want my family to understand something, I will explain it by comparing it to a scene in Friends. My house speaks fluent Friends quotes. There is a scene where Ross doesn’t want to pay the delivery fee for a couch that he bought so he chooses to transport it to his apartment along with Rachel’s help. They arrive and realize they have to get it up the stairs. They begin to do so and they approach a corner of the staircase and Ross screams, “Pivot, Pivot, PIVOT.” This specific part makes my family laugh hysterically. So now if we are ever moving furniture we yell “PIVOT.”
I watch this show simply because it makes me laugh. I look forward to watching it every night. I have now watched the series at least twenty times. It may be a problem in someone else’s eyes, but I don’t see the issue. You could call me obsessed, but I’m okay with that. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be amazing. In my opinion, the dysfunctional, crazy lifestyles are the best ones. I can see myself sitting in a coffee house right now in the city with my friends or family, talking out all of our problems together and that’ll be enough for me. Maybe I liked the show so much because my mom recommended it to me. Maybe it was a mindset thing, but it’s a show that impacted my life so greatly. The show embodies everything I am and aspire to be in this world. I still turn to the show for comfort. I will forever be grateful for good ole’ classic Friends.