Alena Klimchenko ’23
How Presumption Prohibits Connection in
Alexis Arthurs’ “Light Skinned Girls and Kelly Rowlands”
Kimberly, the narrator from Alexia Arthurs’ short story “Light-Skinned Girls and Kelly Rowlands,” has difficulty adjusting to collegiate life. Young, black, and feeling alone at a largely white school, Kimberly is also set apart from her peers by being a commuting student with a very tight budget, and being exceptionally sexually repressed compared to those in her friend group. However, her struggle with loneliness is ultimately largely self-imposed: her attitude towards her peers is heavily influenced by the race-based marginalization she expects, but does not receive. Kimberly’s actions throughout the story indicate that she is unable to form lasting interracial relationships because of preconceptions that she cannot abandon, even when presented with a myriad of evidence that challenges her biases.
Kimberly is initially separated from her fellow students in two ways, by physical proximity and financial stability. She perceives herself as an outsider; she is a commuting student who grew up in Brooklyn—in Manhattan’s shadow. In response to fellow classmates who seem to “think that New York is heaven, or close enough,” Kimberly rolls her eyes, out of envy. Additionally, Kimberly is poorer than her classmates, unable to take out a loan for a dormitory, despite living an hour away. Shopping at Trader Joe’s is a rare treat, and the sandwich shops that her peers, namely Cecilia, the only other black girl in her class, like, are significantly more expensive, for smaller portions. Kimberly would more likely opt to catch a train home than attend social events on campus, a circumstance that further impacts her ability to find common ground with her classmates. It is not until Kimberly hangs out with Cecilia twice outside of school hours, and is then invited to hang out with Cecilia and her friend group some time after, that the two become friends. This connects Kimberly with an established friend group, and allows her more freedom. Eventually, their friendship deepens enough for Kimberly to feel comfortable enough to “…sleep in Cecilia’s dorm bed with her … when it got too late to go home” (8). As she can now stay at Cecilia’s dorm instead of being catching the last train back, Kimberly’s world begins to steadily open up and fill with new experiences.
Although Kimberly’s friendship with Cecilia supports more frequent social interactions with her peers, Kimberly remains largely inexperienced in navigating romantic encounters. This contrasts Cecilia’s steady interest in men. Kimberly voices her belief that attraction to blue eyes by black women is problematic as it implies attraction to “the single most oppressive entity in the world” (8). She is personally disinterested in white men unless they have “the swag of a black man, like Justin Timberlake.” Even once she gets to know them, she has very few positive things to say about the two white men (Adam and Ryan), with whom she begins to regularly interact with in the story. She is new to romantic pursuits, and at one point recalls that during a brief crush on a boy while in high school, she became “intimidated and turned off by the fact that he was also interested in men,” and quickly abandoned her pursuit of him. This distaste for men, particularly white men, follows her well into her college years, and heavily influences how she communicates not only with her male peers but with their girlfriends, by proxy: “One time [Kimberly] saw [Cecilia] holding hands with a white boy, who was a little bit handsome when [Kimberly] crossed [her] eyes, but mostly ugly” (2). Even as she gets to know Cecilia and her boyfriend, Kimberly frequently expresses distaste for the interracial relationship and doubts its authenticity. These judgmental thoughts reveal just how bitter and jealous Kimberly is of those more familiar with sexual intimacy, and that she is reluctant to work to change that.
Kimberly also does not prove capable of separating romantic and platonic relationships. Once the two girls go on their lunch date and become friends, Kimberly is quite explicit in how picturesque and close their relationship became, describing it as “the way some people forget other relationships when they fall in love” (6). Although she is not admitting to any distinctly romantic feelings towards Cecilia, she readily compares their presumably mutually platonic friendship with what she sees and expects in romantic relationships. Although it is entirely possible to forge deep platonic relationships quickly, such a description of their friendship suggests that Kimberly may be repressing feelings of desire under the guise of looking for a female friend. Therefore, compared to her peers, not only does Kimberly have significantly less dating experience, she also seems to have little experience with platonic relationships, and could possibly be disconnected from her real sexual interests, or her own desires. The inability to examine her own inner feelings eventually leads her to project her own fears and insecurities onto Cecilia: “I envied her for reasons that weren’t even her fault,” (14).
Unfortunately, this confusion also actively influences how Kimberly feels about interracial romantic relationships: “[Cecilia] could want to sleep with a white man and that desire came as a clean feeling,” (14). By refusing to address her issues with intimate interracial relationships, Kimberly actively limits how well she is able to relate to her peers (even those of her own race), and is frequently blindsided by Cecilia’s openness.
Considering Kimberly’s unique situation of being largely friendless at this school and a commuter, it makes sense that she prioritize seeking companionship from those who she perceives would be able to relate to her. However, unlike most who aim to meet people through mutual interests, Kimberly chooses to introduce herself only to the other black girl at her college orientation, and no one else. She does not try to befriend fellow commuters, or Brooklyn natives, or lonely-looking people. Instead she focuses on Cecilia for one reason only: she is also black. Before even any introductions, Kimberly passes judgement based on Cecilia’s appearance, mannerisms, and even her name, implying she is not even truly black; “…a white girl trapped in a black girl’s body – an Oreo” (1). Even though she perceived this as a character flaw when it was applied to herself years earlier, Kimberly pats herself on the back for being ready to overlook this perceived flaw within Cecilia. And, when Cecilia is not drawn to Kimberly based on their shared race, Kimberly almost takes it as a personal affront. When they come across each other in Trader Joe’s almost a year later, Kimberly admits to feeling hurt that Cecilia does not seem to even remember their brief meeting at freshman orientation (3). Despite exchanging a mere handful of words, Kimberly acts as if she expected a relationship to already be formed between them simply because of their shared skin color. When Cecilia compliments her photography, Kimberly feels particularly good because the compliment came from someone of mutual race. She is also secretly ecstatic when Cecilia follows up on her offer to grab coffee; Kimberly has finally been noticed by a fellow person of color (5). This friendship with Cecilia opens Kimberly’s world to a variety of new experiences: dating, partying, socializing…She even begins to kind of like New York City, leaving her “believing that the city really is as magical as people are always saying” (6).
Even so, Kimberly is not able to shed her beliefs regarding white people, particularly men, and their role in the historic oppression and gentrification of women, minorities, and their communities. Whereas, before it was arguably the commute or her finances that made Kimberly feel like an outsider at her school, now it is exclusively Kimberly herself setting up barriers between herself and potential new friends. Although she found common ground with Cecilia over their shared Jamaican heritage, she cannot find commonality with anyone else.
Every conversation the reader is privy to, even most of those had with Cecilia, is heavily politically, socially, or racially charged. University is a wonderful place for self-discovery and the forming of one’s opinions, however, time and again, Kimberly exemplifies a distinct inability to internalize and reflect on the deeper meaning of the experiences she has that challenge her preconceptions. She is dead-set in her expectations of white men and black women, and is in general incapable of letting go of her misplaced resentment in favor of forming positive relationships with people she seems to genuinely like. Even when presented with solid counter arguments, such as, “what are [white people] supposed to do when [they] can’t afford the rent in other neighborhoods?” Kimberly is unable to respond directly, and instead deflects to avoid processing the question and adjusting her perceptions (12). Even after she and Cecilia become relatively close friends, Kimberly still directly accuses Cecilia of bringing a black date to a party specifically to show up Cecilia’s ex, Adam. And, not just to show him up, but specifically to “use a black dick to make a white man jealous” (13). With this accusation, Kimberly shows that not only does she believe in the stereotype that black men are more well-endowed than white men, but that Cecilia’s interest in her black date could not be anything more than superficial because of Cecilia’s prior history of dating white men. This is also quite hypocritical, considering that early on into their friendship Kimberly had pointed out and expressed concern about Cecilia allegedly dating exclusively outside of her race. Yet as soon as Cecilia shows interest in a black partner, Kimberly cannot seem to fathom that the interest could be genuine. Kimberly’s difficulty in recognizing Cecilia’s new relationship as legitimate exemplifies just how biased she is—when Cecilia admits that she came up with a date to make Adam jealous but categorically denies that her plan had “anything to do with [the date] being black,” Kimberly makes it very clear that she does not believe that race could not have been a factor for Cecilia, because race is always a factor for Kimberly (13). Only in retrospect, after their friendship has ended, does Kimberly admit that she “envied [Cecilia] for reasons that weren’t even her fault” and that she is “too stubborn and maybe even too stupid to make any attempts at winning back [her] friend’s favor” (14). It is these rare periods of introspection that show just how close Kimberly is to finding more common ground with her peers, and just how easily she lets the opportunities slip away in favor of preserving her pride and not having to confront her long-held beliefs.
Despite already being disadvantaged by living far away from the school and being poorer than her classmates, it is Kimberly who shuts each open door into the collective she so envies. This stubbornness keeps Kimberly feeling like an outsider during her college years. Even if readers cannot relate to Kimberly’s background, upbringing, her confusion over her sexuality, or the events that challenged her racial preconceptions, many will recognize Kimberly’s dismissal of Cecilia’s experiences as a way to avoid confronting her biases, and to protect herself. While Kimberly’s circumstances obviously present numerous challenges in making friends in a new environment, the toughest barriers are self-imposed, due to her fear of confronting or criticizing—or letting go of—her beliefs.
Works Cited
- Arthurs, Alexia. “Light Skinned Girls and Kelly Rowlands.” Shondaland. 23 July 2018, www.shondaland.com/inspire/books/a22504170/alexia-arthurs-how-to-love-a-jamaicanexcerpt/, Accessed 1 Aug. 2019.